5 Must-Teach Skills For Homeschool Parents
- Crystal Yu
- Jun 30, 2024
- 9 min read
As our third kiddo is heading off to college, I am met again with the reality of a constantly evolving world, and the question, "Did I do enough?" Homeschool parents ponder this question from time to time, finding reassurance in the home educator's community, their friends and family, or in the magical moments where their child shows great progress in learning. It is only natural to ask this question because we care, and as a homeschool parent, we acknowledge the great responsibilities we have taken on: our children's education and their future.
Homeschool: Paving The Path
So, I present you with this new question. What is the purpose of education? To perform basic functions in society, solve problems, find and pursue their interests, and/or be successful in a career? Ultimately, the purpose of education is to prepare our children for the future, whatever future they decide. Paving their learning path synonymously means equipping them with the knowledge and skills necessary to pursue their life journey.
Educational options do not look the same as they did five years ago or even two years ago. College isn't always necessary, distance learning is a serious contender, and online careers are taking the lead in entrepreneurship with more channels than ever for sourcing a lucrative income. But what does this mean for our children, their future, and their education?
5 Must-Teach Skills For Homeschool Parents
Every time I've met the question, "Did I do enough?" it was when my child hit a milestone like going off to college, starting a career, or struggling with a life decision. This is natural, but just as I encourage my children to observe and learn, the daunting question inspired me to do just the same. Here are the five things I've learned to teach my children from an early age, to help them be prepared for anything life could throw at them or any path they choose.
One out of five of my children excels at time management. It is so funny to me, and can also drive me mad - something I feel almost every parent can relate to. With our middle child, mornings were chaotic when she went to public school. I learned quite a few things from this experience.
For one, I held space for the fact that she should be able to spend that time tending to herself each day. This was self-love and attentiveness. Secondly, when she transitioned to homeschooling, it was so wonderful to have a calmer morning that didn't require panic over time. But, this was only averting our eyes to a problem she would deal with again later in life. Lastly, time management was not something I considered to be an integral part of education - but I quickly learned that it was. Public school taught me to be on time to class, finish my work promptly, and not to dally. Being on time is important, and staying focused on my task is also important, but dallying - well, I still enjoy that.
There are several ways parents can address this area. Some younger students will enjoy racing against the clock to grab their coats and shoes. Older students might enjoy making their own daily schedule and sticking to it. One approach that did NOT work for us was limiting the time we spent on a subject. Rarely did she get more than half a lesson done, and we ultimately fell behind in our learning goals by mid-year. What worked better was focusing on completing our subjects but spending no more than three hours of intentional learning each day - this means bookwork/ projects/ curriculum-based learning. She had a set time to start her lessons each day, i.e. by 10 am, and by that time, she needed to have her chore list checked off which included self-care and a basic household chore like feeding pets.
My two youngest daughters were in third and fifth grade, at which point we'd had years of exposure to arts and crafts - we even did a unit study on various art mediums and art history. Then, one day, the oldest of the two started drawing Kawaii characters in a little journal - and she was so talented! We encouraged her to draw other things like animals and nature, but it wasn't until our neighbor's son shared an anime drawing with us that we saw a spark in her eye.
Just to give an example of possibility - she may love anime sketching, which can turn into digital art or graphic art, that when combined with her love of video games can lead to the creation of gaming characters! Or, she can design shirts and merchandise. She could one day decide she despises anime because kids are always changing and who knows what their future holds, but the point is that it isn't up to us to decide that fate. It is our responsibility to facilitate discovery and exposure to all sorts of things.
Here are a few suggestions for less commonly explored topics: Learning to DJ, making beats online, anime, graphic design, how to be a YouTuber, designing your own board game, coding and computer programming, how to make sushi, how to smoke meats, interior design, car mechanics, household maintenance like electric, plumbing, and structural repairs, AI technology, 3D technology, and robotics.
Slow mornings and casually paced days are my absolute favorite, and they were always exactly what one of my daughters needed. She is not a morning person, and does not like to wake up at any time before 10am. When she was in the fourth grade, she participated in a camp that required her to check-in at 9am, which meant we needed to wake up by 7am. After the second day, she wanted to drop-out. This made me think...
Her belief that quitting should be taken so lightly bothered me. The other thought I needed to sit with, was how much she was bothered by early mornings and the idea that she needed to base her life around sleeping late. There are two perspectives I see here. One is that she can absolutely build a life that allows her to sleep as late as she wants, and yes - if she doesn't enjoy something there is always the option to quit. However in this case, she wasn't quitting because she didn't enjoy the camp, she wanted to give up because she didn't feel like being responsible.
Suddenly, my opinion of easy-peasy mornings started to shift. One day, she will have to face the hard parts of getting where she wants in life and that includes early mornings, late nights, possibly long hours, and some stress from time to time. She needed to be able to cope with that.
To address this issue, we first decided to not quit camp. Secondly, we planned to make some "big girl" changes for the upcoming school year. This required waking up one hour earlier with easy morning chores to help start her day. I also implemented a more structured day by having a schedule planned for her. Our lessons were still fun and engaging, but we measured our time. Today, I am so thankful we made this decision. She later decided to go to college and has worked two career-focused jobs. All of which required her to show up early or stay late, work hard and be flexible.
Have you ever heard the saying "you become the five people you spend the most time with"? As a homeschool family, we spend our entire day with each other, and when our kids are below the age of 10 they are the most susceptible to picking up what is around them. For the longest time, I prepared breakfast and lunch, chose the homeschool curriculum, and planned our days. I suggested a summer camp or scrolled the list of co-op class choices and registered to attend.
Suddenly, my ten-year-old entered a phase of "I don't know" and it seemed to come out of nowhere. One evening, when I was exhausted I asked, "Hey, what do you want for dinner? Let's make it an easy night." Her response was typical, "I don't know, it's whatever you want Mom. Whatever you feel like making." But then, she said the magic words: "You usually decide that stuff, so whatever you make we'll eat." The words hit me like a bullet. I took a moment to reply and said, "Honey, you have choices in this house too. This is your home. Do you feel like you don't get to have an opinion here?" We were back to where we started, when she said, "I don't know."
It really made me think about how we help our children identify and discover their sense of self. Would she be like this with friends, so passive and uncertain? Of course, this could be dangerous. Our family made some shifts and had an open talk about the dynamics in our home. I explained that I was so used to "just making the food" or "handling the homeschool" that I didn't realize by taking initiative I was excluding them, and I wasn't being a good leader because leaders receive input and are good listeners.
The kids were then given choices like, "This year we need to study xyz. Here are three curriculums I found, lets look at them and decide the best one together." I would provide them with a llist of summer camps we could afford, and they got to choose their co-op classes to attend. Everyone gets an opinion and we even bicker about it sometimes, which is a nice contrast to "I don't know."
We know that good parenting includes giving our kids space to make mistakes and learn from them. But, there are some choices or mistakes that may not be openly discussed - such as what conversations happen during a playdate.
The kids often play with other children in the neighborhood, but they are typically outside. One afternoon they asked for an indoor playdate because it was unbearably hot. The house was filled with laughter and shrieks, and thundering feet - it was awesome! Then as the group decided to pull out a board game, I hear one student ask, "Can you say the alphabet backwards?" A different child attempted, but admittedly said, "nope!" I giggled at their response, knowing that this is a challenge for me too. My laughter quickly dissipated when I heard the first child reply, "Why, becuase you're stupid?" I waited to see how this was handled, and heard one of my children quietly say "that wasn't cool," which of course was a good-parent moment. However, some other "know-it-all" types of behavior made me feel very uncomfortable throughout the day.
My initial response, being mama bear, is to say "that kid is rude - and they are not a good friend." But I resisted the urge to fight their battle and asked questions instead.
How did the playdate go? ("It was so much fun! We have to do that more often.")
Was everyone nice? ("Yeah, everyone was good, like usual.")
What did you guys play? (there were many things listed here)
Are you sure everyone was nice? I thought I heard someone say something kind of rude. (Oh yeah that was _______, he's always like that. It's just how he is."
RED FLAG
My children have been taught to accept others for who they are, to acknowledge their differences, and to know that the world is better for it. However, what needed to be more clear is that we also have a choice over who is allowed in our life, and to identify when someone is not being a good friend.
The boundaries can be hard to define and understand for children. At a young age, if someone takes their toy they might never want to see them again, while others may move past it instantly. As parents, we have to observe their response to this situation and other interactions with friends to know how we can help them.
When our children see us being kind and have been taught to be kind - without the balancing knowledge of boundaries and understanding that they have a choice - kids can quickly become pushovers. Even more, it's important to teach identifying what behaviors make a child unique and what behaviors are crossing a line. I gave the kids a "good job" for standing up to their friend, and a few months later found out that the group started a "Good Friends" club where everyone was allowed to join, but they all had to sign a paper agreeing to be nice. It was a great idea!
I've learned a lot in my years of parenting, homeschooling, and being around hundreds of children each week.
Above all else, these sweet littles rely on us to help them become the best version of themselves. There are many things we can teach our children beyond the pages of their education, but what makes homeschooling extra special is being able to incorporate these life-skills into their daily learning.
With Luminara School of Wonder, we design our curriculum around the whole child, and the parent too. This means that we craft our lessons from an empathetic standpoint, drawing life skills and learning from the books we read, the experiences of our characters, history and science, and the lives of those who lived before us.
We encourage you to incorporate 5 Must-Teach Skills For Homeschool Parents into your school year, and if you need a little help, check out Luminara's curriculum for an easy way to help your child develop a well-rounded character.
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